Family Blessings

We are so blessed to have such wonderful and caring family to help us raise our little munchkins. It makes being a parent so much easier when you know your children are safe and loved while you are away. And we're so lucky to have family close enough to not have to go months and months in between visits. Thank you, God, for our families...

Me Update

Ok, so I've been putting off this post forever, but here goes...

During the last few months of my pregnancy with Jack, I experienced what I thought (and my OB thought) was a "normal" but somewhat unwanted side effect of pregnancy. However, once Jack was here, it didn't go away. At my 6 week postpartum visit, my OB suggested that we follow up with a GI specialist to get it checked out. After a whirlwind of doctor's visits, a flexible sigmoidoscopy, lab tests, and ultimately a full colonoscopy and small bowel series, I have been diagnosed with Crohn's disease. They are presuming the hormone shift of pregnancy incited the illness, but they have yet to discover a "cause" for Crohn's.

Now, receiving a chronic diagnosis at age 32 would normally be overwhelming and devastating, but try getting that diagnosis with a 2 month old baby and postpartum hormones! That was fun, let me tell you. After a decent amount of wallowing and "why me?'s", I eventually became proactive and started working with my doctor to figure out what to do about it. Luckily, my symptoms were very mild in the scheme of Crohn's, so my doctor was hopeful that we could quickly get things under control.

After trying a mild medication that didn't work, my doctor gave me three treatment options. He preceded these with the desire that whatever I started, we needed to assume that I would be on it indefinitely. The first was an oral medication that I would take with prednisone for a couple of weeks and then continue by itself. The oral part was really tempting, but it was a category D pregnancy drug, meaning it has been known to cause severe birth defects. I could not get pregnant while on this drug. The second option was Rimicaid, a drug administered with a 2-4 hour IV infusion every 4-8 weeks. It was difficult to schedule a 30 minute doctor's appointment, much less a 2-4 hour infusion. I couldn't see that fitting into my schedule well. Plus, you can't get pregnant on that drug, either, and once you stop taking it and then restart, it usually is not as effective.

So that left the third option, a drug called Cimzia. Cimzia is given as an injection every 4 weeks. It is a relatively new drug (in the same line as Embrel and Humira) and the preliminary studies show that it does not cross the placenta during pregnancy. It is a biologic drug and acts as an immunosuppressant to control symptoms.

So, I was 2 months postpartum being asked to decide which of these drugs I wanted to take for the rest of my life, presumably. Wow. Now Will and I have talked a lot about what we want as far as number of children and family size, etc. I had initially always wanted 3 children. However, with the miscarriages and a tougher pregnancy with Jack, I had wondered if I would be content with just two children, not really wanting to go through those hurdles again. Plus, we were blessed with one of each gender. Could that be enough? That question was hard enough before, but now I was being asked to decide while hormonal, sleep-deprived, and breast-feeding. Help!!

Speaking of the breast-feeding, I was heartbroken to find out that none of these drugs had been proven to be safe for breast-feeding. Some preliminary studies had shown that it may be safe, but more were needed. Another decision. And they felt more like demands than decisions, because if it was really my decision, I wanted out of the whole *%&$ situation!

After much discussion with Will and my family, I decided that I could not make the call at that place and time that I didn't want more children. I had to allow myself the option to choose that two years from now when Jack is running around and the baby fever may be making a come-back. So, we opted to go the Cimzia route. I was very confident about this decision and my doctor agreed, especially after consulting a colleague at UNC, that Cimzia was the best option for me at a reproductive age.

Then he let the bomb drop. Since Cimzia is an immunosuppressant, he was not comfortable with me continuing my job as a staff nurse in an ICU on that kind of medication. The risks of me contracting an infection were so much greater in this area and with a weakened immune system, I could get really sick. So, not only do I have a chronic illness that I will be dealing with for the rest of my life, now I can no longer do the job that I have loved for the past 9 years. WTH?!! I was devastated. The worst part was the lack of control. I am such a Type-A, OCD, borderline control-freak and having no control over these decisions just down-right pissed me off! I was angry and hurt and ticked off with God for me being in this situation. And then I started thinking about the genetic component and wondering if Anna or Jack would ever have to deal with this nightmare. It was a very rough time.

I am happy to report that we are on the other side of the deep valley. I decided to stop breast-feeding after 3 months so that Jack would be entirely out of the drug equation and I would have no fears that my treatment was harming him. He did not seem to mind in the least, sweet boy that he is. I started my Cimzia injections and they pretty immediately relieved my symptoms. My blood counts have remained normal (one of the side effects is decreased counts), so that has been encouraging. Other than some insurance and financial hassles, I am happy with the decision we made with Cimzia. I know that when and if the time comes for us to add to our family, we will have the comfort in knowing that my illness will be more under control during the pregnancy.

Also, my managers at work have been amazing! They advised me to take a second medical leave after my maternity leave was over so that I wouldn't lose my seniority. Now a position is opening up that will hopefully be a perfect fit and allow me to stay in the PICU, keep my one-day-a-week schedule, but allow me less exposure to the patients. I am so thankful and feel so blessed that this is working out.

So, that is the update on me. I still have waves of anger/despair at being dealt this blow at such an emotional time. I feel like it somehow robbed me of fully enjoying Jack as a 2 and 3 month old. But now I'm more determined to enjoy those little moments. And when I start to feel sorry for myself, I am reminded by the mom of three small children who has been diagnosed with breast cancer or some other fatal illness that mine is not fatal. I am lucky that mine is mainly a nuisance or inconvenience most of the time, but not something that will strip me of my life or time with my sweet children. It makes me feel blessed and thankful. I'll take Crohn's any day over the other C word. Life is good and life goes on...

Precious Moment

On Friday, July 1st, Jack turned 5 months old. Anna and I were talking about what a big boy he was becoming and all the new things he could do. He has been a little fussier the last couple of days and I explained to her that it was because his first two teeth were getting ready to come in and it was probably hurting him. The more we talked about it, the sadder her expression became. Then she started tearing up and said, "Mommy, but I want Jack to be a baby forever!". Of course, this made me tear up and I explained that everything starts out small as a baby and grows up, just like her. I told her that I wished she was still a baby sometimes, too. Then she said, "One night a long time ago I prayed to God and told him that I didn't want to get bigger." By this time, I'm in ugly cry mode. I try to tell her that although we might not want to get bigger, that God made us to grow, that it's what we're supposed to do because there is fun stuff to do and learn each time we get older. She then asked if I was going to have to put all the baby food and baby toys away since Jack was growing up. I chuckled to myself and reassured her that he would still be a baby for a while, but just one that was doing new things. She looked up at me with tears still in her eyes and said, "But that makes me so sad!". Me too, sweet girl...me too.

Anna Update

With all the baby madness in our home and in the homes of my siblings, Anna has definitely been knocked off of her "only grandchild" pedestal, for sure, poor thing. Although we have had our moments of attitude and adjustment, overall I think she has handled the changes beautifully. She absolutely adores her baby brother and all of her new cousins. She is such a sweet girl and is absolutely hilarious. I wanted to take the chance to do a little update on our almost 4-year-old...

Anna has just finished her first year of gymnastics and LOVED it. She is one of the most limber children I have ever seen. It was amazing to see the transformation from when she first started. She listens to the coach and follows instructions so much better. We're hoping we can continue this for several years until we reach more team sports.

Nap time has become rest time because she doesn't need a nap every day anymore. She goes up to her room about 1:30 and we've told her she can come out when the first number on her clock is a 3. Most days she will play quietly or read and then eventually crawl into bed and go to sleep. Other days, she pops out of her room at 3, ready to go. Luckily, she is no longer a complete monster later in the evening when she doesn't get her nap. Our new problem is when she falls asleep at 2:30 or later and then sleeps 2+ hours, we can't get her to bed on time! I might have to start waking her up from her nap, although that's usually not desirable because she is such a pill when she is woken up (like her Mama!).

She just finished her class at preschool and had a blast. She learned so much! She has just learned how to write her name and is so proud. We are currently working on the sounds the letters make since she recently made the connection between letters and words in all the books she has. She LOVES to read and spends a lot of her rest time "reading" books on her bed. Her imagination is amazing and she makes up the best stories while flipping through the pictures in the books or "reading" to Jack. She likes to make things rhyme like all of her Dr. Seuss books.

Her memory is amazing and she doesn't forget a thing. You can't leave out a word in books that you've read more than a couple of times or she'll call you on it. And she will remember things that we told her over a year ago. We have to make sure we're on our p's and q's, for sure!

Anna just hit 30 pounds...finally! She still lives off of fruit and will eat carrots and celery before she'll eat fries. Where she came from, I don't know. She needs size 3T for the height but is still so thin. She will only wear dresses right now, which is good because the only shorts that will stay on and up are 2T ones that are a bit on the short side. She wears dresses every day, and even "dressing gowns" (dresses that become nightgowns at night, thanks to Fancy Nancy books) to sleep in.

She is in full princess mode and costumes go hand-in-hand with that. It's nothing for her to change costumes hourly on the days we're at home. Much to Will's dismay, Mommy and Mimi got Anna a "married dress" and accessories, since all the princesses get married at the end of the fairytales. And she's not shy about telling you how beautiful she is! I'm encouraging that self-confidence in my little woman--the world will make her doubt it soon enough.

And let me not forget the "Why?" stage. I'm amazed how often she asks this, but love seeing how her little mind is trying to piece everything together. The good thing is, once she's got it, you don't have to tell her again!:)

Here are a few of our favorite Anna-isms:

-- "Neckslace" (She has always added an "s" to this word, but it takes you a while to figure out how she's saying it.)

-- "Cupcape" (and you have to take the "cape" off before you can eat the cupcake)

-- "Sheshells" (the beach variety) and "shushi"

-- "Crank" (as in, "leave the door cranked when you leave")

-- "That was just a plain pootaroota!" (Ok, let me explain. In the crazy Collins family, we call passing gas a "pootaroota". So, when we were potty training her, each time she would pass gas, we would ask her if she needed to go to the potty to shoo-shoo. After a while, she would immediately look at us and say this so we would know not to ask her.)

-- We call her "a piece of work" all the time, so she has started telling people that they are "a piece of cheese" (or whatever else comes in pieces).

-- She has started telling "jokes". They usually go something like, "What is a pig when it's a strawberry? ... A banana!" And she'll tell you when you have to laugh.:)

-- She is apparently a baby whisperer. She is frequently saying things such as, "Jack doesn't want to go down for his nap yet. He told me he wants to stay here so I can love on him." Or, "Caroline told me that she doesn't want to play in the exersaucer anymore. She wants to play on the jungle mat." Good thing we have her around so we know exactly what the babies want!

She is so much fun right now and will get more so, I'm sure, once we leave the three's and all its wonder behind us. We just love having conversations with her and seeing how that little mind works. We love our little "big" girl so much!

In her "married dress"

All dolled up with Belle and the Beast at the local high school's production of

Beauty and the Beast

In the hat parade at school

Her medal ceremony at gymnastics

Still loves to swing

Getting pedis on Girls Day!

With her best friend, Bryce, at the end-of-year picnic

(it was WWIII getting her to wear shorts that day)

With Miss Jane and Miss Susan on the last day of school

Sister and Brother

Anna is the best big sister in the world! She loves Jack so much and is the best helper. Her favorite things are climbing into his crib when he wakes up from a nap so they can play "sleep time" with their Bo-bos and getting in his face and blowing to make him inhale. Surprisingly, Jack loves every second of it.

Jack is 5 Months Old!

Oh, how fast time flies! I can't believe our Jack-e-poo is five months old already! Quite a bit has changed in the last month...

He has transitioned to a 4 hour schedule with feedings (7, 11, 3, 7) so he takes three 1.5-2 hour naps and then sleeps from 8pm to 7am. We have run through the main veggies and most of the fruits so far with baby food, so now he gets cereal and a fruit with breakfast and then a veggie and a fruit with his late afternoon feeding. There is not one food that he hasn't loved so far, even prunes! He has figured this eating thing out for sure and has very little come back out when he swallows. We did have to switch from the bouncy seat to the highchair because he would get so excited when he ate that it was hard to feed a moving target. And he already wants whatever we are eating! Soon enough, little man, soon enough. I have allowed him to suck on cantaloupe and pizza crust because he threw such a hissy fit! His two bottom teeth are starting to bulge and he is getting increasingly fussy, so I'm sure they will show themselves pretty soon.

I just packed up all of his 6 month clothes and washed his new 12 month stuff. Sad! Size 2 diapers still fit, but weight-wise he should be in size 3. I guess that will come soon enough, too. His check-up ended up being at about 4 and 1/2 months and he was 91st and 96th percentile with weight and height, so I shouldn't be surprised by this.

He is rolling like crazy and pulling his knees up under him when he's on his belly. Just this morning, he got on all fours and actually held his head up for the first time and rocked a few times. It won't be long now! He's getting much more core control, so sitting up by himself should be around the corner, too.

He has been doing this really cute thing where if you put your face close to his, he'll grab the sides of it with his hands and move in with an open mouth for a big juicy kiss. It's so cute! And he recently figured out how to squeal, so that has been non-stop when he's content. And he still has the biggest smile which melts your heart! Our little boy is getting so big!

Eating his first baby food--peas!

Drool-bug!

Jack has mastered his Jump & Go!

First meal in my highchair

I can reach all the toys on my exersaucer now!

Oh, how I wish I could find a pause button! We are trying so hard to cherish these precious moments as they fly by. But at the same time, we look forward to all the new and sweet changes the next stage brings. We love our little man so much!

Jack is 4 Months Old!

I can't believe our little man is 4 months old! He has grown so much this last month and is really losing his "babyness". And he's growing like a weed! I can't wait to see what his stats are at his 4 month check-up next week. I weighed him soon after he turned 3 months old and he was already 17 pounds! Who knows how much he weighs now! He is still in size 2 diapers, but is maxing out his 6 month clothes and easily fits into 9 month and 6-12 month ones. I'm going to have to go shopping because most of the 12 month stuff we have is winter appropriate. That's not going to work!:) He has transitioned to Similac formula and we are trying to space him out to every 4 hours. He sleeps from 9 pm until 7 am. Since he has learned to roll over, we have had some minor issues with keeping him asleep. He's been a belly baby because of his reflux so if he wakes up at all, he immediately flips onto his back and fusses because he's lost his paci. I would leave him on his back if he would sleep well, but he doesn't. So, we can usually go in and flip him back over, give him his paci, and he'll go right back to sleep. I can't wait until he can flip both ways by himself. We have just recently stopped his Prevacid to see if he has outgrown his reflux and so far, so good. Here are some pics over the past month...

He already loves his exersaucer!

Too big for a sink bath and almost filling up his little bathtub.

I love my Bumbo chair, too!

We have recently started rice cereal and he has caught on quickly.

I think you might love to swing as much your big sissy does!

We love you so much, sweet boy, and are trying to soak up every minute. You are growing so fast and we can't wait to see how your little personality continues to develop. You are so giving with that beautiful smile of yours and we are so glad you are such a happy baby! You are a huge blessing to all of us!