See, my grandfather, who we all call Gramps, was married before he met my grandmother. He and his first wife had a son, who they named Oren Richard (now O.R. or Richard). The marriage didn't work and they separated and divorced. Richard and his mother moved back to Illinois, close to her family. She remarried and Richard was adopted by his step-father. Gramps met my Nana and started a family in Rocky Mount, NC. I guess because of the distance and because Richard quickly had a replacement father figure, my grandfather never pursued custody or visitation. Plus, my grandmother was a very insecure woman and didn't want anyone to speak of Richard or Gramps' previous marriage. And so all was kept quiet. Gramps and Richard met up only several brief times in my grandfather's life, although Gramps would call his special aunt every now and then and check up on "the family". One such meeting was at my grandparent's home in Rocky Mount, where he met my uncle. But he was never introduced as my uncle's half-brother, just as Richard. And so it was until just before Gramps' death in the fall of 2000.
On his death bed, as my mom and aunt and uncle sat with him, he revealed to them the truth about Richard. They were able to call and talk to him for the first time. Richard and his wife, Patti, were able to fly from their home in Wisconsin to be at Gramps' funeral a few days later. That was the first time any of us had ever met Richard. We gained a whole new set of extended family over night!
The craziest part of the whole story is how much Richard and Gramps are exactly alike. It is the biggest case for nature over nurture I have ever seen. After only being in each other's presence for several very brief meetings and living in separate areas of the country, it is miraculous to me how they share similar mannerisms, interests, and hobbies. Plus, they look strikingly similar. Once, recently, I answered the phone at my parent's house and almost had a heart attack because I could have sworn Gramps was on the other end! When any of them ask what Gramps was like, we just tell them that they already know him--he was just like Richard.
Richard and Patti have two children, Kristin and Brandon. Since Patti is an only child and Richard's half-sister doesn't have any children, Kristin and Brandon grew up thinking they had no cousins. Since the revelation hit, we have done our best to make up for lost time. Richard and Patti have come out here to NC several times and my parents and aunt and uncle have gone out to Wisconsin. Brandon used vacation time to come out a couple of years ago for a week and "meet the fam". Last summer, we all descended upon Tennessee for a family reunion. And finally, over Easter weekend, Kristin and her two boys were able to make it to NC with Richard and Patti to spend some time with us. We had a blast!
Although we are still sorting through the mixed emotions of finding out about this side of the family so late and all the reasons that might have gone into that, we try to not let that get in the way of the time we have now. Sometimes the belated blessings are the best!
